Jordan.Montag.co

Hint: it takes work and it starts with you!

I believe whole-heartedly that we must maintain absolute accountability over our own situations, regardless of our who our bosses are or how they behave. Great bosses can give us great opportunities and develop us, but we have to be prepared to take advantage. Awful bosses can tank our spirits and our careers, but only if we let them. Ultimately, anyways, keeping the fact that we are accountable and in control is the only way to maintain perspective and, of course, sanity.

I’ve had great bosses, and I’ve had terrible ones. This post will focus on the time I overcame one particular bad boss, who, for the sake of this article, we’ll call “Sunny,” mostly because who doesn’t love irony?  As with everything, my hindsight over this issue is far better than my foresight was when it began, but I am happy to report the hap-hazard formula I followed has gone on to help many others re-frame, and win, a relationship with a bad boss.

To clarify, it’s important to note that Sunny was a highly intelligent, very well-educated professional with a great pedigree. It’s possible Sunny is a star player wherever they are now. This post will focus on where I feel Sunny fell short during our short relationship. As all narratives go, I will probably spend more time on things I shouldn’t and leave out things I should include, but in the interest of interest, I’ll keep it to three places where Sunny fell short:

• Take the time to learn the new team’s strengths and weaknesses, but more simply (and importantly): their jobs. Sunny took the time to learn about the management and leadership during the interview process, but felt like acclimation was “done” by the time the job-offer was written. Inheriting a team of 4 diverse middle-managers, Sunny completely failed to understand each person’s particular attributes and how they contributed to the success or failure of the team up to that point. More problematic: Sunny completely disregarded the team’s existing jobs, taking a command and control leadership style in a completely new org. structure, company and industry. This created massive gaps in expectations and performance, both internal to the boss:employee relationship and between the team and their existing clients. Personality differences aside, the resulting mismatch placed massive tactical stressors on each and every team member. Mistakes were made, trust eroded, tears shed (I mean, uh, allergies).
• Let others take the credit. Sunny had a knack for grabbing the limelight and becoming demonstrably upset when it wasn’t given. Despite inheriting a strong, respected team of A-players, if a project was peripheral to, or wholly outside of Sunny’s scope, the team was forced to de-prioritize the work regardless of how the resource change would impact other organizations. This type of behavior also created huge rifts in her team’s outside relationships. Where ambiguity lie (and it often does in global marketing organizations), Sunny’s desire to always be “point” pretty much meant that no other group with overlapping responsibilities would support initiatives with anything more than lip-service. Important projects got scuttled, and reputations were damaged.
• Strive for, and maintain, balance. 70 hours/week was light-duty, as Sunny’s life revolved around work and self-promotion. The team, despite having families and competing priorities outside work, was expected to do the same. This was pre-family for me, so it wasn’t dire, but certainly not something I had any intention of maintaining.

So – what did I do? Jordan’s 4 steps to sanity when working for a terrible boss…

• Step 1: Ask yourself “What am I doing to make this less comfortable than it could be?” Often, our experiences are the product of our attitudes. One of my all-time favorite books is A Man’s Search for Meaning, by Victor Frankl. In it, he frequently reminds us that “the only thing we retain control of, is how we respond to those things over which we have no control.” Who our bosses are, or how they behave, is largely outside of our control (at least temporarily. More on that later). In asking myself if I was only uncomfortable because of how I framed my situation, I was able to learn a lot about my working style, as well as identify a few ‘hacks’ to overcome some deficiencies. One major output of this was starting to manage work according to an adapted “GTD,” or Getting Things Done, method. This helped me get my output up to a level that matched Sunny’s expectations, despite conflicting priorities with my existing clients and a mismatch with what Sunny wanted me to focus on. A side benefit: getting real with myself here also helped to solidify my long-term aspirations, and gave me a not insignificant level of peace and patience with the situation. It also helped me realize that we often grow the most when we are the most uncomfortable. This opened my eyes to the power of discomfort.
• Step 2: Influence UP.  Ask the bad boss “what changes need to be made to make the situation more tenable?” Sometimes, people don’t realize they are being difficult. Remember, this situation was new for Sunny, too. The bad boss, rightly or wrongly, feels pressure to make an impact. They were given a budget to solve a problem and may feel as if the urgency supersedes the method. I made a marked effort to make it clear (one on one!) that my expectations were not being met but that I was conscious that there were probably things that I could to to improve the situation. Remember, too, that just because a boss is bad doesn’t mean they are also stupid. Sunny got the hint. Speaking up helped to highlight some major communication gaps that Sunny was experiencing with not only me, but the other members of my team who felt like they couldn’t speak up. Things changed, for a little while. Hindsight being what it is, I would have put a check-in process in place to make sure we maintained the improvement, but that still doesn’t stop us from moving to the next step.
• Step 3: Influence AROUND. Ask your boss’s peers AND your boss’s boss “What can you do to improve the situation?” This may seem a bit extreme, but it’s not extreme quitting your job and it’s important to realize you’re not powerless before you get there. In this case, I had a decent relationship with Sunny’s hiring manager. Had I been a little more seasoned, that relationship would probably have netted me Sunny’s job but the relationship was strong enough that I could seek his advice on the situation. If I was fearful of recourse, or didn’t have a good relationship, I would have worked with Sunny’s peers. This benefit is one reason that building relationships UP and OUT is so crucial. Getting trusted advisors in high places can help you understand far more about the organizational landscape than you can glean on your own. Working with Sunny’s boss didn’t create any marked change in Sunny’s behavior directly, but it helped me to understand that I wasn’t the problem, which I was secretly wondering. Sunny’s peers and managers noticed the mis-match between Sunny and the team as well. This helped me build patience and reinforced my overall strategy of working to improve the situation.
• Step 4: Change bosses. Seriously, if all else fails, it’s important to realize that no one is putting a gun to your head and saying “you must work for so and so.” Keep your overall career goals (future link-back) in front of you. Acknowledge that discomfort yields growth and decide how long you can reasonably tolerate the discomfort *side-note: reasonably tolerate shouldn’t include ANYTHING that makes you put your morals to the side*. If the above three steps don’t do anything to improve the situation, perhaps it’s time to start looking for a new role. I am tentative here, but ONLY because I don’t think it’s helpful to make a habit out of LEAVING a tough situation. I genuinely believe our characters are forged in battle, but I also recognize that sometimes, enough is enough. If you’ve confidently done the above, and LEARNED something but nothing has changed, this is a reasonable next step. Start leaning on your network, get clear on your next step, and start cleaning up your resume.

In all, the most important part of this is to realize that you are in control. Too often, we let bad bosses dictate more than just the work; we let them dictate how we feel and that’s simply unacceptable. Following a proven process to managing this problem will help you take back control, and there is a 100% chance you’ll learn something important about yourself and others along the way.

J